I Dream of Jeannie

Major Nelson: Jeannie, I never knew how much you meant to me until this happened. I'm never going to let you out of my sight again. Look, I even brought you flowers. Once I get you out of there, I'm going to take you out to dinner ... the best candle lit dinner...

(Dr Bellows, Major Healy and Harry walk in on Major Nelson talking to the moon safe.)

Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: A candle lit dinner...

Major Nelson: I can explain, sir.

Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Being in love with a safe, they haven't got a name for that one.

Major Nelson: Jeannie's turned against me.

Major Healey: She can't turn against you. Your her master. She as to obey you.

Major Nelson: Yeah, who says so?

Major Healey: I don't know, maybe it's in the genie manual.

Major Nelson: Then how come she's deliberately disobeyed me?

Major Healey: Maybe she wasn't issued a genie manual.

Blue Djinn: How does thou wish to die?

Major Nelson: Of old age.

Jeannie: Master I have a mother-in-law problem.

Major Nelson: You can't have a mother-in-law problem. We are not married.

Jeannie's Sister: You can make a man eat shredded cardboard, if you play the right tricks.

Nelson: How are things going?

Jeannie: Terrible. I have to make dinner - I mean actually make it without magic. We are liable to die.

(Dr Bellows to Major Nelson after one of Jeannies mishaps)

Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Some men dedicate their lives to science, some men dedicate their lives to politices. I'm dedicating my life to understanding you

Mrs Winker (house buyer): How many bedrooms do you have?

Jeannie: How many would you like?

Jeannie: How should I punish him? Should I give him death of a thousand itches.

Major Healey: How about scratches?

Jeannie: Itches are much worse.

Jeannie: Master is football more important to you than I am?

Major Nelson: Of course not, that's like comparing oranges and lemons.

Jeannie: And I'm the lemon.

Jeannie: Let me see now. A six letter word for rat. M-A-S-T-E-R.

Jeannie: I would not be going out with your best friend if I were married to his best friend.

Officer Anderson: You know, this is a one way street.

Jeannie: I was only going one way.

Jeannie: All I do is think and blink.

Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: You may be an expert in financial matters, Mr. Huggins, but I happen to be an expert in Major Anthony Nelson.

Amanda Bellows: (after Jeannie has turned Tony's living room into a campground with a fire, tent, and running brook) Oh, it's wonderful! Alfred, how come we never do anything like this?

Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Amanda, I spend half my life *curing* people who do things like this!