The Nanny

C.C.: I couldn't put a foot out of bed this morning.

Niles: Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?

C.C.: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.

Niles: I have that dream too but you go in the other direction.

C.C.: I find I can catch more flies with honey.

Niles: I always thought your tongue darted out.

C.C.: I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress.

Niles: You'd have to be dead six months to fit in it.

Fran: I love the outfit Miss Babcock.

C.C.: Of course it's an Aldolfo.

Niles: Hitler?

Fran: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother did you find that a sad moment... at all?

C.C.: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Niles: Oh what are you doing here the sun is up.

Niles: You know the next time you give your clothes away why don't you just stay in them?

C.C.: I'll never get to the airport on time!

Niles: That's true sir she needs at least two people on her broom to use the Express Lane.

Niles: I once walked in on the Queen-mother.

Fran: In the shower?

Niles: On the throne.

C.C.: You're a poor excuse for a man!

Niles: Ditto!

Fran: What's that?

Niles: It's a script for Mr. Sheffield

Fran: You didn't write another episode of Seinfeld did you? Forget it - it's over!

(Niles is dancing bombastically and singing into his duster. CC enters unexpectedly)

Niles: Of course you realize now I'm going to have to kill you...

C.C.: I find it very unseemly of Maxwell to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Niles: Die. Let's find out.

Sylvia Fine: Trust me the only man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes is Colonel Sanders.

Fran: Oh my God! You're taking back the thing?

Max: If I found a woman who loved my children could make me laugh and that I found attractive well I'd never let her go.

(puts his arm around Fran's shoulders and gets his watch caught on her)

Fran: Oh we're stuck on each other.

Max: Oh Niles what is it this time? Your job your weight no future?

Niles: Well Sir I was just wondering why I have no social life but you cleared that right up for me.

Fran: And remember always follow your heart.

Maggie: Well my heart says I should go back to Sean.

Fran: That's not your heart talking.

Nigel: I hope you don't mind me telling you one more time just how how sexy you are!

Fran: Nope still diggin' it!

C.C.: What is this un-natural obsession Maxwell has with his children? I can count the number of days I spent with my father on one hand.

Niles: Seven?

Niles: How do you do Tiz Maylor? I'm Biles the nutler!

C.C.: Where's Maxwell?

Niles: In London.

C.C.: What's he doing there?

Niles: Hopefully Ms Fine.

(Talking about Fran's new apartment full of homosexual men)

Maggie: Are there a lot of cute guys at your new apartment?

Fran: Oh yeah they're walking right out of the closets.

(After accidentally baby-napping a child)

Fran: I wonder if I'll ever really be a mother?

Max: Well there's always the subway.

Fran: No way. Forget it. The next time I bring home a baby it's gonna be after nine months of swollen ankles and an epidural that could bring down Secretariat.

(After uncrossing her legs while being interrogated a la Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct")

Fran: Ah-hah forget it! You got a better chance of seeing Tonya Harding on a box of Wheaties.